The Art Of Being Here

Menu Close

Tag: choices


Random threads of thought, floating in my mind.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a friend about consistency and taking action, and I told him how I felt that taking action consistently wasn’t really one of my strengths. In comparison I thought he seemed a natural at getting things moving.

He thought for a bit and said that he never actually saw himself as consistent; what he did do though, was tell everyone that he was consistent — and through his need live up to that he became more consistent with what he did.

This, of course, is a fantastic example of cognitive consistency, not to mention public accountability. But I also realised that so much in life is actually within our sphere of influence — the question is which parts we want to focus on.

We might not live long enough to be perfectly perfect in all areas; yet isn’t there so much that want to change? What if we chose to?

What am I choosing to change, and what am I doing about it? How can I step up?

Today I came across 100 Days Without Fear, a wonderful project by Michelle Poler to face her fears so she could “feel her life while she’s in it”. This remind me of a similar project: 100 Days of Rejection by Jia Jiang, who went on to write the book Rejection Proof and give a TED talk about his experience.

Every time I read about challenges like this… I just feel like I want to do the same: step out in a big way, out of my comfort zone, out from my old life, and into something new. Someone once told me that sometimes you just need a massive change in life to move things forward.

Needless to say that fear is the only reason I haven’t done it.

What if I gathered some people to do it though? Would that help me (and them) overcome the fear of something like this? Would anyone join?

I’ve met many people who say they want to do things, but few who actually followed through. Like I told someone today: when we take up the challenge of the things that matter most to us, that’s when all our buttons will get pushed, that’s when we will be pushed to our limits.

There was a moment today when I realised how much time we spend focusing on small things, not seeing how intensely wrapped up we are in things that don’t matter. And yet we fear and stress out about them with our entire being, and we act out our entire lives based on them.

And most of the time we don’t realise we’re doing it.

The worse part is when we pass this fear, stress and obsession on to the people around us, to our loved ones, to our colleagues, to our friends. It can often feel like like comfort and connection to obsess together, but it isn’t — it’s actually more like passing an illness around endlessly.

How great it would be if we could pass joy around instead, like a contagious laugh.

All of us will die eventually. It’s the only destination we share in common.

(If that depresses you, then let Louis CK lighten it up for you — “…you’re going to be dead for way longer than your life, like that’s mostly what you’re ever going to be. You’re just dead people that just didn’t die yet.”)

Anyway, the thing is we all have to form some beliefs about that fact, and come to some conclusion about it so we don’t walk around with that thought it our heads all the time. We can also avoid it, of course. Which most people do.

A couple of months ago I was talking to an dear old friend of mine, and explained that this question formed a core part of what we call spirituality, and that the beliefs and conclusion we come to also affect the rest of the decisions we make in our lives, thus affecting how we live it.

If I’m honest I’d say I never thought very much about it till this year. I mean, I thought I did, but I was really just running away like most people do. But now I’m beginning to believe something about it, I sometimes get that gnawing feeling inside that’s telling me I’m not really acting 100% from those thoughts and beliefs yet.

 So I guess the question is: what am I going to do about it?

…and suddenly this songs plays:

“Who knows where the road will lead us? Only a fool would say.”All The Way, James Darren

We alone make our choices, but we don’t have to be alone in them

I just realised that my parents have never forced me into any life choices save one. I’m not quite sure if that was a good or bad thing. The last time they did it was in my last year of primary school, where they pushed me to top the school; after that I made all my own life choices.

I always thought that it might be the fact that I wilfully chose to have things that way, but in retrospect it could have signalled a lack of communication — they probably had no inkling of what I was doing or what I wanted to do, and in some ways, neither did I. If I rebelled I think I rebelled in quite a large, if silent, way.

Because of this I also felt like I never relied on them or got support from them for my life choices. I felt I didn’t need to, but equally, I felt lonely in my choices, and accepted that I had to face both choices and consequences alone.

Read more

© 2018 The Art Of Being Here. All rights reserved.

Theme by Anders Norén.