Why do we sometimes find it difficult to reach our goals?
Is it because we don’t want it enough? If we read what many personal growth writers say then we might believe that it is.
We’re told that we need to muster more motivation, develop our drive, and gather our willpower to be able to move forward with our goals. Know why. Power up the reasons we’re doing something.
That may be true of course, but is it always?
What if we can’t get to where we want to not because we don’t want it enough, but because we want it too much?
What if there are dreams of such incredible importance to us, so precious and laden with hope that it makes it difficult for us to actually move towards it?
The problem with dreams
We’re always told to dream, to have a vision for what we want the most and the move towards it.
But we’re often not told that dreams… are made to be modified. Not broken, but modified.
Because the moment we move towards any dream or goal we have, we’re more than likely to discover that it isn’t what we thought it was.
And if so much of our hopes rest on those dreams, won’t that feel just a little disappointing? We all use dreams to keep ourselves going sometimes; what if we lost that sliver of sustenance?
That could be rather upsetting. So instead of chasing our dreams, we keep them they way they are in our mind — pristine, untouchable, and unattainable.
That way we can live blissfully under an illusion rather than face the reality that things might be different.
What really happens when we chase your dreams
Things change. Dreams change. Perspectives change. Knowledge changes. We change.
Often we discover that the dreams we had in our heads aren’t what we really want after all, and so we’re given an opportunity to discover what we really want after all.
Maybe we’ll learn that the path to our dream is not entirely possible right now, and we might have wait. Or maybe there is something we can do, but it’s just going to take work to find it.
Whatever the case, the act of moving on our dreams and goals, the act of going through the process instead of freezing it in our minds, is that our dreams may evolve.
Who we are and how we see the world can also change, and that could mean that we see our dreams different, or may want new ones.
Things change as we go, but that doesn’t mean that our dreams will disappear. They will simply change along with us. That’s part of growing.
Another aspect of wanting something so bad is impatience. This is something I struggle with a lot.
Sometimes you want something badly, and you want it NOW. Like a kid who demands whatever candy they want NOW, because… well, because they want it NOW. NOW. NOW.
Unfortunately goals seldom work like that. If our dream is large enough then it’s going to take time, and it’s going to take effort to boot, and it might not turn out in the end.
That part of us that want’s it now then starts to resist what is happening now.
It resist the fact that we might have to change as a person to get there because… why can’t I have it NOW?
It resists new habits and thinking we need to learn because… why can’t I have it NOW?
So we struggle because our minds spend time fighting the very things we have to do to move forward. This wastes our precious mental energy, and we might end up moving slowly. We might spend time dreaming some more instead of getting going to see what happens, which wastes even more time and energy that we could have spent moving forward.
So what to do?
Realise the dreams are there, and then get moving.
Be aware when you’re obsessing about wanting something, when you’re so caught up in the dream that we lose the present.
We cannot stop the desire we have for our dreams, but we can know how to act in concert with them, rather than let that desire overcomes us.
Instead turn that desire into action, turn it into habit, turn it into focus on the process. Let it become part of the reality of your life through how you live, instead of letting it stay as a frozen imagination.
In the end part, of the beauty of dreams is fully experiencing the journey of working towards them, so let’s allow that to happen.